Misfits Celebrating Women's Month: a spiritual being on a life long journey of self discovery

It is only fitting that I should share my own story at the end of an amazing series. 

Thank you to all the ladies I featured, I don't know about everyone else, but I personally learnt so much from reading their stories. Was honestly humbled and honored that I could share their amazing stories.

First of all, I must say I struggled with this task. This is the longest I have ever taken to write for my blogs. It was hard. Enough about that, Let me get into it. So here is my story, my self reflection.

Well well,
I am Sibusisiwe Nomthandazo Nkosi ( we are blessed with a girl, who is the mother of prayer and was mothered by prayer). Blessed, gifted and  anointed. Miss King (MaNkosi) is a spiritual being on a life long journey of self discovery, who is sharing bits and pieces of that journey with the world through this blog.

Where is the last place you would ever go?
Hmm many places actually, I am a believer in when given the opportunity to be somewhere give it your all, do all that you can, so when it's time you walk away you can say "I had fun times, learnt, alot, did my part, and don't look back. There is no" let's do that again", or "if given the chance I would do things differently". If you do something properly.. You walk away with a clear heart, chest held high, singing lines from Beyonces song I was Here 🤞. I promise, true story😉.
We can talk about the exact places or examples in another blog or someday in the future 😉😋, hold me to it.

What am I completely over and done with?
I wonder what I was thinking here yazi 🙄🤔.

Ohh wait, yes I have something. I am so over stroking egos. Guys I can't... Andizi... Especially stroking ego of insucure man babies who are looking for mommy figures VS girlfriends/ partners and frends etc.
And I am over pouring into other peoples emotional cups while my own is empty and depleted!! I cannot.. Emotional leaches must fall straight up... No compromise.

The lessons that I have learnt in 2020,  lockdown and COVID-19 pandemic have taught me the following:
Yoooo lockdown, 2020 and the Rona have been brutal guys. Like ish... But with all that being said, I have learnt soooo much about myself (this needs a blog of its own) 😏.

Friends
My circle rocks guys. It is tiny, but it is all I need. Each piece of the puzzle is unique and fits perfectly into my life. Like my people get me, know when I need my space, know when I need them and this year, I honestly could have never survived without them. They believed in me, my destiny and my abilities more than I did. And constantly had to remind me of this, without fail.

Family
Then my family guys, my people😭. This story would make you cry and leave some of you jealous, so nje for your sakes I won't share. Trust me it's for your own good😁😋.

Biggest lesson I learnt this year is patience. Gosh, “Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting” - Joyce Meyer. This here, Dammmm this is hard guys!! Things just didn't fall into place the way I expected them too this year. I had to keep waiting for stuff, confirmations, go aheads etc. Had so many uncertainties, and leaps of faith.

Ghel.... Enjoy that healthy, uncomplicated body. You are perfect, honestly you are. Those voices inside your head are lying you. Those voices don't know what they are talking about. Enjoy being a child, take your time G, you have sooo many years ahead of you for the serious stuff, you can trust me!!

Well, your 30s are like 2.0 of your 20s. Your still going to be trying to discover yourself. And you know what, that is OK. Don't let society make it seem like you should have things together by then. Many people and society are actually selling you a false dream, they are lying. Many of them are lost, broke, confused, etc just like the rest of us, but are putting on a brave face for the GRAM. I promise babe, it's for the socials and gram yazi. They are struggling in silence hey!! 🤞
Take your time, do you, no pressure!!
Most importantly guard your heart dear. Kiss and don't tell, or tell if you want, but but, guard your heart brah.

To all the ladies out there
Stay strong ladies. In that same token, I feel like as a society we really need to be having more discussions around toxic relationships, gender based violence etc. I am not taking community hall meetings, but I am talking, with our circle of friends and with families. We need to be holding our brothers accountable for their actions in the way they treat their partners (you know what I am talking about). We (women) need to be held accountable for our own  contribution to this mess, through how we socialise both our boys and girls. 
As we raise young kings, we need to socialise them in a way that they grow up to be kings who will lead and be accountable for their actions with no excuses. And for your young queens to know they should never settle for anything else than what they are worth.

On a lighter note, I know this may sound so clique, but really live like it was your last day on earth... No really live brah. Dont just survive, but live. Put the music on full blast, stokfel for that trip (with or without family and friends) you will be surprised what lies out there when you climb out of your comfort zone. Be the source of your own happiness!!! There is something soo attractive about people in their own lane, who are just doing them and doing them well.

And one last thing, happy women's month ladies💕❤️

Misfits Celebrating Women's Month: An examiner, impulsive yet reflective.

Who am I really?

An examiner, impulsive yet reflective. Levelheaded,not excessively empathic, fair-minded and striving for intellect excellence. Extraverted and judging (not human beings, but opinions). I cherish decisiveness and accomplishments. Don’t ever go out with me if You have difficulty choosing Your meal from the menu! I gather information and I act on them as soon as possible. If You found out what Mrs Myers and Mrs Briggs would have called me, leave me a message.

I am a medical student in Hamburg, Germany, and currently working on my doctoral thesis in tropical medicine at a Gabonese research centre.

Where is the last place I would ever go?

I would actually go anywhere. The better question is, would I come back a second time? To South Africa I did come back and will do again, in love since 2015.

What am I completely over and done with?

Discussing my life choices with my mom. And I’ll probably still do it until the end and that’s a good thing.

What lessons has 2020, lock down and COVID-19 pandemic taught me about…

…myself

I really cannot stay in. After getting out of quarantine I was almost jumping on strangers to hug them out of joy to see another person’s face!

…friends

The best friends stay no matter the circumstances. All the rest are just accessories, not necessities.

…family

While I am aware I grew up well protected, I wouldn’t have anticipated the level of supportiveness my family is showing me in the new challenges this year brought me. 

…life

Should be dreamt big, but not planned more than three months in advance.

If I could talk to my 16-year-old self what would I say about being in my 20s. What did I expect vs. the reality?

I firmly believe that God did not put us here to chill in our comfy zones. We are called to explore, commit to a cause, and grab for life’s opportunities. I would tell my 16-year-old self how many good men would genuinely like her despite braces, pimples and glasses. I would tell her how exciting it is to discover a new passion every couple of years. And that it was neither possible nor necessary to know what she’d be doing at that point. I would describe how much better her husband would be compared to all those school boys. I would admit that times would be rough and that she’d better take good care of her relationships to her parents and best friends. That she’d need God more than she could understand. And that she should definitely eat all the new foods she can find. Nobody sees the size of Your pants while they cover Your beautiful backside.

If I could send a global message to all South African women, what would you say to them? About the times we live in and how to survive. Either emotionally, mentally, or physically.

You were the women shaping me when my birth mother was far away and You did a great job. Only a few months and I was forever be changed. Don’t ever overlook all the achievements of the hard work You do being the mothers of Your challenged country. A mother is not only someone who bears children. A mother is any women who goes the extra mile to improve something beyond herself, to leave any place better than she found it for the people coming after her.

Misfits Celebrating Women's Month: A Daughter of the Most High King and a Mother to Two Beautiful Boys

This was for me, believe it or not, a road down ‘self-discovery’ all over again. It felt like bumping into myself after such a long time. Well... I hope you enjoy reading my story just as much as I enjoyed jotting it down!!!

Let me begin with a warm introduction of Nolwazi Valentine Nkosi. Yes, that’s me! Nolwazi… A Daughter of the Most High King and a Mother to Two Beautiful Boys first, before anything. The Word of God is my foundation in Life and I raise my kids in the same light. I am the type of person you run to in search for sunshine… I emanate joy, smiles and laughter for every single person I come across on any given day. I hope you can already gather that, I’m a huge fan of Flowers and Sunflowers being my favorite. They bring me so much joy. Finally Nolwazi is in general a very peaceful person, I respect and appreciate Peace, mines and that of others. So… now that we have broken the ice, lets get to the nitty gritty part of it. 

Where is the last place I would ever go? This one is very tricky because I want to experience going everywhere in the world. However, I cannot bear feeling cold. Russia might just be the last place I would ever go to because of their climate. They have cold winters and very short summers. They get strong winds that bring freezing cold temperatures and snowstorms, I wouldn’t survive that at all. 

What are you completely over and done with? I am completely over and done with associating myself with people and matters that are not compatible with my vision in life. Yes, I definitely am a person who focuses on the good more than the bad but also, I don’t invest in negative energy and distractions. For me growth is important, I think we should all be focusing on the betterment of ourselves, supporting and cheering one another rather than directing all of our energy towards bickering and shaming. Besides that, as I mentioned earlier I have two sons, trust me you need to preserve as much energy as possible to match theirs.   Therefore, if your thoughts and beliefs are against, I respect that, wish you well and I walk in the opposite direction.  experience has to be; to value Life more than I ever have before. Life itself is worth so much more than all the material things we want so badly in this world. Personally this experience forced me to be extra patient with myself. It’s true that; slow is the new fast. I am at a point in life where I am desperate for the stars to just align, and COVID 19 came with a lot of setbacks, but I realized fussing over slow progress will do more harm than good. I believe everything will eventually fall into place for all of us and all at the right time. When it comes to friendships, I learnt not to take time for granted. It’s been close to two years now that I haven’t spent quality time with any of my friends. I guess I have been in my own zone, I took a decision to withdraw myself from the world, if I may say, as a way to focus more on the things I want to achieve. I kept postponing that part of life and forgot that life is for us to enjoy, not perfect. And after I had left everything for a ‘later stage’, in came Lockdown and COVID 19 with the new Normal. Travelling, a night out or a picnic with friends cannot happen as comfortably as it did before. There is now so much to consider before doing everything we loved. The same goes for family, time does not wait for us. it is very important that we don’t postpone forgiveness and take for granted the importance of preserving Family Bonds. 

If I could talk to my 16 year old self about being in my 20s I would say stick to your plan my Darling!!!!! At 16, you now pretty much have an idea of what you would like your future to be like. Say No as much as possible to distractions that will tamper with this idea and just always want the best for yourself.  Many of the consequences I am dealing with today are a result of the many ‘exceptions’ I made along the way. You must find the courage to say no to the things and people that are not serving you if you want to build yourself and live your life with authenticity. My expectations of 20s were nothing close to what they are, according to my Grade 10 collage, I am now referred to as Dr. Nolwazi Valentine Nkosi not ‘Miss’, I live in my mansion house with cars all over my beautiful  yard, each car for a different mood. I am a very wealthy young lady who swipes her credit card as and when she pleases. The list goes on, but my point here is that firstly, there is nothing wrong with having big dreams but you need to accompany them with a plan of action. Which career are you going to pursue and/or study towards, is it relevant to today’s times, are you sure you have a passion for it? Do you know of anyone in this profession who can guide you? once you have planned, submit your plans to God. Secondly, things will not always go according to plan. That is not the end of the road, refer back to your drawing board, correct the mistake, learn the lesson and keep the ball rolling, keep moving towards your goals. Constantly seek for clarification from God about everything, then you are certain to move in the right direction. I am not saying that your quest should be to be perfect, but it should be securing the best you want for yourself with the understanding that you are worthy and deserving of it all.  

Its funny how I’ve always wanted an opportunity like this one, to send a global message to all young South African women, only that I imagined I would be standing in front of them as a well-established young billionaire, guiding them on how they can also get there. But I believe God is saying, this is the first part of that journey and you already have a story to tell. My message to young women is to always be confident in yourself and courageous in everything you put your mind to. Believe you deserve to be successful and want it. There is no more beautiful sight than a young woman who glows with the light of the spirit, who is brave and authentic. Having a strong belief system is important because this is where your values stem from, where you can seek clarification, plead for protection, refuel your strength and seek guidance when you go astray. I say this because the intentions of the people close to you will change every day. You cannot trust them with your life. So you must have that kind of Foundation you can rely on.  Do away with comparing yourself, stay in your lane, run your own race and at your own pace. That way you can be kind to and patient with yourself. My biggest wish is for us to strive for independence.  "If you trade your independence as a woman for safety you are at a risk of experiencing inexplicable grief, depression, anxiety, rage, blame and resentment. More to that and considering the times we live in today, where there is a rising number of young mothers, I want to also selectively share a message to them, that being a young mother is not about what you gave up to have a child or about all the sacrifices you have to make, it should be about what you have gained. You have brought a precious human being into the world, that alone is a superpower, you now need to show up and own up for him. I personally gained genuine and lasting happiness coupled with purpose. I am hungry to succeed and build a legacy now more than ever. The gift of being trusted to love and nurture another human being is another kind of special. In the same token, my advice to all young women, from my experience as a young mother is; plan the decision of having a child thoroughly beforehand. You must be ready emotionally and most importantly, financially. 

With that being said, to aim for success is, I reiterate, very important but make sure not to miss the point of this whole process, that is to make out the most of this life you’ve been Graciously gifted with. Smile often, laugh a lot, dance, travel, bake, cook, swim, sing, be healthy and just enjoy being alive.

Misfits Celebrating Women's Month: I owe myself everything.

Up first this week is Miss Zukiswa Ngcemu, thank you for letting me share your story queen. 

 

1.  The last place I would go, is the place that burnt me the most.  History is the greatest teacher but, I have no business going back whatsoever.

2. I am done with the hurt, pain, brokenness, self-doubt and expectations, I owe myself everything.

 

3. It has taught me that I`m a winner, and a warrior.  Through the fear, uncertainty and doubt I have victored and still soldier on in following my dreams and aspirations.

It has also taught me that friends might not share the same DNA as yours, but they are family who stand by you through thick and thin and help you unburden your shoulders with things you wouldn`t necessarily share with your family. They are the extended arm that gives love, support, comfort, truth with a bit of crazy.

Family has and will always have me rooted in my true origins, keep me grounded with love that is pure coupled with sanity and insanity.

Life is a special gift, that will serve you or not, but remains the only source that provides us opportunity and a pathway for our aspirations. Life is beautiful, never easy nor fair. Life has also taught me that it’s my choice whether I choose to live or exist.

 

4. I would tell that young girl to live on middle lane of life, never slow down or move too fast for anyone unless its solely for herself. I would also tell her that her dreams are valid and should never let anyone tell her otherwise, that life will serve her what she doesn`t deserve and deny her what should be hers but should never allow those things to deter her.  I would tell her to stay true to herself, especially spiritually and should stay away from things that rob her of her peace. 

I expected to be a millionaire, who has travelled the world, happily married with two kids and every fantasy that was sold to me as a teenager.  Well life had other plans and also some of the choices that I have made. As I wake to see another day I create and work towards my own goals, fantasies, dreams and aspirations. My dreams would make your eyes pop, a put one foot forward every day and some days i barely move, but I know that one day it will all be possible. 

 

5.  I believe all women around the world are made of steel with strands of silk, precious stones and fragrances, I would tell women to continue with being fighters, especially for and in support for the all the wrongs thrown to her and other women by society.  That we as women need our own "bro code" that we should never break. That we will conquer all the adversities we are currently faced with and that they should continue drawing strength, nurturing beings, love and selflessness from their respective sources. 

Misfits Celebrating Women's Month - Sam, Uncompromising, Uncomplicated, Outspoken and Well Groomed. A lady to the Core

Here is another amazing women sharing her story. 

Misfits Celebrating Women's Month: Inkosazana yamaNguni, Child of the African Soil

Here is our second lady of the week, 😍. Hope you enjoy her story. 

I am Nontobeko Gcabashe inkosazana yamaNguni, Child of the African Soil. I am an ambivert. I project energy I receive. A lover of good food and traveling. I give credit to my existence to Umvelinqangi and my ancestors.

Where is the last place you would ever go?
Ummhhh, I don’t know hey…

What are you completely over and done with?
Protecting other peoples feeling at the expense of my wellbeing and mental health.

What lessons has 2020, lock down and COVID-19 pandemic taught you about:
Yourself:
I am so strong. I have the will power to do anything that I set my mind to do.

Friends:
Actions speaker louder than words.
Tough times show you your real friends.
My squad is small but WOW – they are amazing. They have their own share of challenges but through it all they are graceful, loving (even those who act tough😊) and empowering. During my tough times, my friends gently pulled my chin up, fixed your crown, straightened shoulders and held my hand. My friends became family to me…

Life:
You must be patient.
Life isn’t always fair (who said it would be?) and things do not always work out they you planned that they would. And that is okay – you must just adjust and keep it moving.

Family:
We are not perfect, but we are united, we love and support each other. I am blessed, grateful and proud to call them my family.

Overall, 2020, the lockdown and COVID-19 taught me patience and connected me to my dreams and aspirations that I had put on hold

If you could talk to your 16-year self what would you say about being in your 30s/20s. What did you expect VS reality?
Honey do not take life too seriously. Have fun a little. Go out, play with other kids and network.
It is important to listen and respect you parents (adults). At 16 I was that “good girl” (stayed at home and did what I was told – and hardly ever questioned anything even when I should have). But this was the exterior, internally it was something else. In my heart and head, I was such a rebel. I did not voice my thoughts and opinion. To a 16-year, never silence your inner thoughts and opinions. Find ways to respectfully speak your mind. I feel this is important because if mind, body and spirit are one then actions, intentions and purpose align. Beyond that it builds your confidence.
In your twenties: this is the time to find yourself, learn more about your strengths and weaknesses (your skills and talent). Do not settle for the first plate that you are served with. Always dig deep. Be intentional about your goals and the people you allow in you space. Be bold enough to challenge the status quo – forge a new path.
When Umvelinqangi made you, he assigned you a Guardian Angel to look over you. That Guardian Angel is that inner voice that always seems to warn when you something is not right or that overwhelming gut feeling you get when you are about to take a huge decision. Listen to your Guardian Angel more (it knows better 😊).
Always know that things may not go as planned and that is okay, you do not stop or give up but adjust and keep it moving.
In your thirties: you should be able to define who you are, what you are about and where you are going. Well for me I’ve just entered the dirty thirty decade… So, as I embrace my thirties I am armed with confidence, alignment with my Guardian Angel and an open heart.

If you could send a global message to all South African women, what would you say to them? About the times we live in and how to survive. Either emotionally, mentally or physically.
To all South African women out there… Gosh, you are Queens --- Royalties --- And so powerful, yet we sell ourselves so short. We give up our power too soon and so easily. Most women are raised in a way that is so linear – be a good girl >> don’t talk too much >> speak when spoken to >> finish school/university >> Get a job >> Get married before thirty and have children. Then you are someone (more like “someone’s wife”) --- Then You live “Happily Ever After” the end!!!

I say BULLSH*T!!! I say definitely get all the education and opportunities that you can get and explore life. Be true to who you are. Be bold, assertive and unapologetic in your becoming… 

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Misfits Celebrating Women's Month - A Person Who Respects Others, Mother of Humility

So here goes as promised, our first feature  of this women's month celebration is this amazing young woman. 

I am Nontobeko Ziyanda Zungu. My first name means a person who respects other, mother of humility and my second name means “in abundance” or “More of”. My names started the journey of shaping into the person I am. I am an introvert that has so much love and humility and will always go the extra mile for the ones I love and care for. To the world I am a Picasso painting, only a few get to see the beauty of the painting for what it is. I am a believer in God. I simply am because of Him everyday of my life. 

The last place I would ever go? 

I don’t have a place like that yet. 

What am I completely over and done with?

I no longer care for what people think of me. I don’t have the ‘Abantu bazothini Syndrome’ because this sets you back and you end up not doing half the things you wanted to do.

What lesson lesson has 2020, lockdown and the COVID-19 pandemic has taught you about the following: Yourself, Friends, Family and life? 

2020 taught me about loss and that recovering from loss is hard when you don’t give yourself time to grieve and cry to clear out your soul so that you are able to live with it. The Lockdown SAVED me otherwise depression was going to be my new home. What I learnt about my circle of friends is that they are a blessing and they are blessed. I’m not saying they have it easy, heck no but they know who to lean on to bounce back. God is their centre. With my family 2020 has taught me that we laugh all the time even in sadness and that’s what keeps us going. In life 2020 and the pandemic has taught me that you must live and be grateful for what you have, appreciate the ones that love you and keep it moving. Take time for yourself as you cannot pour from an empty cup. You are important it doesn’t make you selfish but selfless as you will be able to give more and be there more for others. 

If I could talk to my 16 year old self what would I say to her about being in my 30s/20s. What did I expect vs the reality?

Sweetheart, do not expect the world to shift for you. I expected to be this great person psychologist and that I would be great. I expected that my life would be better since I have been through the most already but no honey, life will humble you still because clearly you did not learn your lessons before with not having a home. Reality is that you must shift the world to suit you and that you should always focus and don’t let anyone distract from what you want to achieve. Lastly don’t forget God in whatever you decide to do. Kodwa all in all what you will go through will shape you into this awesome being that you are right now and you will meet your circle of friends. You will learn so much about yourself and you will go insane for a period of time. Just know that you will be okay though so 16 year old me brace yourself for what’s to come. Learn how to run your finances and to make more because that will be your biggest down fall. 

To all women: it is okay not to follow societal rules on who you are suppose to be if they do not sync with who you really are. This pandemic hit us hard and my advice to you would be to take care of your mental health by talking to a therapist or take time out and meditate in the word of God. Switch off your phone for 2 hours and have you time. Honestly I don’t know what makes your heart happy but do that so you can be sane for yourself and others. 

Misfits Celebrating Women's Month

So this women's month I Sibu Nkosi AKA Miss King will profile some amazing young women. First thing to note, they don't conform. I mean, none of them actually conform. I mean forget cookie cutter for these ladies. These ladies are unique... They just wear their crowns differently!! Hence the the choice in calling them Misfits. Normal is really boring, like it's soo over done.

So, let me get to it. These ladies where asked to introduce themselves and respond to 5 questions (see below picture with the questions). They will choose whether to do a video responding to the questions or to do a narrative response.

So to set the tone, I thought it would be fit for me to do one also. My video will be the first to go up next week Monday and followed by a different  post each day of next week. So watch this space.

Super excited to share their stories with you.

“Tell the story of the mountain you climbed. Your words could become a page in someone else’s survival guide.” — Morgan Harper Nichols

The key to a women's heart is written in her playlist. - So here is the key to my heart

So this week I am going to doing something different. I am doing a music review one of my favorite Playlists.

We all get asked the question, what music do you listen to? 

Me... I listen to everything, it honestly depends on the mood. And yes I listen to EVERYTHING. And honestly who needs to conform and why only listen to one typa of music.. For the why nje?

Anyways, in my anxiety around my moving from Durban and this next chapter and stuff. I listened to this playlist almost everyday for the last month. 

This list is a serious mix of old and new songs. And different genres of music. It goes from Kanye, the Weekend, to Mlindo, to Sam Smith and the Ritual.. Serious hey, it's a mix!!

I named my Playlist "Pick Me Up", and starred it last year. I play it when I need a pick me, hence the name 😉😋. It currently has about 72 songs. 

Here is my top 10 on the list in no particular order:
Ohhk, but one of my current favorites has to be Joi for sure!!
1. Joji - Slow Dancing in Dark. 88rising (like everything about it, and the music video is so morbid, and I just love it).I
2. Joji - will he (medasin remix)  88rising
3. Curious - Rich Brian
4. Redbone - Childish Gambino
5. Cigarette Daydreams, - Anna Rouse
6. Live Like You're Love - Hawk Nelson
7. Boondigga - Fat Freddy's Drop
8. Come Down - Anderson Paak
9. Better by now - Ritual
10. Pretty Little Fears- 6lack featJ. Cole.

You can access my list here: Here is the link. 

Please share the links to your Playlist, or share your top 10 songs and I will create a Playlist in your name.... Looking forward to your list.

"let life be a playlist of songs chosen by you and not by shuffle." Mayank Roy