As Watched You Grow

As I watched you grow.
Somedays not only seeing you, but feeling you..
Denial, that bitch advised me that you would never amount to anything.
Denial told me that I was imagining you and were only a figment of my imagination.
That you were simply nothing to worry about.

To be honest I listened to denial because I was too scared to face the facts.
Yes I was scared.
My fear stemmed, from my lack of understanding and my ignorance.
The only thing I knew was that you were a gift  inherited from the Rents.
I was scared  because I felt that acknowledging you would mean I accepted you.

My heart skipped a beat, when the Dr said, you were 10cm wide and that the reason I saw you somedays was due to the fact that you were being a bullied by my bladder.

Your constant protrusion when I lay on my back, was you trying to get my attention.
You were trying to tell me that you don't belong there.
But no, instead of acknowledging that your arising above the surface was your way of saying shit ain't ohk.
I found it easier to ignore you.

On that day, the 29th of June 2020, denial packed its bags left me on my own to face the facts.
That I had felt you grow inside me, and I watched you grow month by month.
That I had done nothing.
On that day I made a new freind, called fear.

Fear brought a whole entourage of friends. Oh believe me they aren't friendly either. Will tell you about them someday.

For now, I am counting the days until I know and understand who and what you are and what you want me.

The journey of a young woman: Diagnosis, Fibroids.

By Miss King (18/07/2020)