How Not to Write About Africa - Binyavanga Wainaina

It's been a while since I last posted, but just had to post this clip. I will do a review of this piece written by Binyavanga Wainaina in the next couple of days. 

In the mean time , I will leave this clip here for now. 

Healing: Trust the Process

"For I am the Lord who heals you." 

Exodus 15:26 

If you are lucky, you get just get a bruise.

But sometimes, it is just deep and takes a while to heal.

If you are lucky the scars will be small, 

and they will be lite and eventually fade away with time.

But sometimes, the cut is just too deep and while the surface may heal, 

underneath the wound will remain raw and fresh. 

Creating an illusion of everything being ok, when things are far from ok.

Scabs are not a sign of completion of the process. They are just an indication that conditions are conducive for healing and the process is taking place. 

Don't forget the itch of the scab is part of the healing, as irritating as it might be. 

In time the conditions will improve, and regeneration and growth will place. 

Even when the healing is complete, reducing the visible scars sometimes takes your intentional effort. 

And this takes time and consistency.

Healing happens within, external assistance is good and is sometimes necessary, 

But most of the time it is about sole

and not a team effort. 

It comes in different shapes and forms.

Embrace YOUR process and don't try copy someone else's. 

"

The Enactus Perspective S1 E6 Sibusisiwe Nkosi | Enactus South Africa

Please watch this short clip/ interview of me sharing my Enactus Perspective. Thank you once again to Enactus South Africa, for helping me share my story. Hope you enjoy the interview and get to know me a little more. 

Building Your Confidence Through Self - Promotion

 

 

The After Thought and Context to my Previous Post

Just an after thought, I felt the need to add some context to my previous posted from a couple of days ago, the Miss King Goes to Study Abroad: Episode 3/ The Introduction one.  Firstly, I woke up that day, feeling myself, feeling all levels of fine, so I decided to dress up for fun and put on makeup (lashes and all 😅). Once done with all of that I realized, I loved the look and was not going to let it go to waste and took a couple of pictures (yes just a couple, lol 👀). Then after the pictures, had an amazing idea to record myself. I know right crazy!! (don't judge, this is a safe space). 

When Randomness Turned Out Amazing

I then reviewed the videos after the fun was over, and thought to myself, these need to be shared with the world. Why keep them to yourself young lady. Yes, this is how we got to me posting the video. Side note into the production, I took a couple of random clips, got the perfect spot in my room (with great lighting), and started talking about a couple of random and different topics, and then reviewed them, and the fun part, edited them (using the app YouCut- Video Editor). Friends and family will tell you, I love video editing. It has been a hobby of mine for the last couple of years. I even use videos for work presentations, I am a visual person and feel that visual presentations leave a lasting memory, and they are great to supplement text. But hey that could just be me 😉. Different strokes for different folks.

Stuff Being Humble

So going back to the topic, we are all amazing in our own right. But we have been bought up in a world, which has taught us that self- promotion is arrogance, and that you shouldn't blow your own horn, or share you achievements. We need to wait for others to blow our horn and speak about our achievement. Well dear, you shall wait until you die, people praise you when you are no longer around!! Sad but true. Look, don't get me wrong, I am not saying being humble is wrong, I am saying sharing your accomplishments with the world and self-promotion is good when done for the right reasons.I recently discovered a book called "F**k Being Humble", the title resonated with me. Still need to read it (maybe I will do a book review on the book).

Self - Promotion and a Happier You!

The more I explore this topic of self - promotion, the more my confidence in me and my abilities is going up. The more I am aware of me, the happier I am finding myself, because now I spend more time trying to find the good in MYSELF, instead of worrying about other amazing kids and the amazing things they are achieving. 

If You Want to Become Good at Something, Invest In it!!

For the last couple of weeks, I have been working a lot on my personal branding and fine tuning my unique skills and talents. As some of you might know, I have a public speaking background and honestly I actually love public speaking. I love the nerves, the increased heart rate, yes all that scary stuff 😁😂😄. So, it is only natural for me to invest more in this. This has involved watching Ted-Talks, doing free online courses and even exploring paid courses. You don't become great at something without investing!!! Investing can mean simple things like time, but can also include resources.

 

Review, Access and Amend

In my journey of reconnecting with me and building my confidence, I have decided to be more direct with my engagements. I am going to record myself more, and not just record, by review the recording. This is part of becoming a better speaker. Reviewing helps one pick up and see their ticks, your facial expressions, how one looks when not prepared and will help one fix what needs to be fixed, if there is something that does need to be fixed. 

In the coming weeks, I am going to do a more targeted blog around public speaking and speaking in the age of online engagement. The main aim of it will be for me to share what has worked for me in the last couple of weeks, what I have learnt, what I still want to try out etc.

With all that being said, hope you guys have an epic week!!! Until we touch base again, your girl Miss King signing out!!! Peace my people... 

Misfits Celebrating Women's Month: a spiritual being on a life long journey of self discovery

It is only fitting that I should share my own story at the end of an amazing series. 

Thank you to all the ladies I featured, I don't know about everyone else, but I personally learnt so much from reading their stories. Was honestly humbled and honored that I could share their amazing stories.

First of all, I must say I struggled with this task. This is the longest I have ever taken to write for my blogs. It was hard. Enough about that, Let me get into it. So here is my story, my self reflection.

Well well,
I am Sibusisiwe Nomthandazo Nkosi ( we are blessed with a girl, who is the mother of prayer and was mothered by prayer). Blessed, gifted and  anointed. Miss King (MaNkosi) is a spiritual being on a life long journey of self discovery, who is sharing bits and pieces of that journey with the world through this blog.

Where is the last place you would ever go?
Hmm many places actually, I am a believer in when given the opportunity to be somewhere give it your all, do all that you can, so when it's time you walk away you can say "I had fun times, learnt, alot, did my part, and don't look back. There is no" let's do that again", or "if given the chance I would do things differently". If you do something properly.. You walk away with a clear heart, chest held high, singing lines from Beyonces song I was Here 🤞. I promise, true story😉.
We can talk about the exact places or examples in another blog or someday in the future 😉😋, hold me to it.

What am I completely over and done with?
I wonder what I was thinking here yazi 🙄🤔.

Ohh wait, yes I have something. I am so over stroking egos. Guys I can't... Andizi... Especially stroking ego of insucure man babies who are looking for mommy figures VS girlfriends/ partners and frends etc.
And I am over pouring into other peoples emotional cups while my own is empty and depleted!! I cannot.. Emotional leaches must fall straight up... No compromise.

The lessons that I have learnt in 2020,  lockdown and COVID-19 pandemic have taught me the following:
Yoooo lockdown, 2020 and the Rona have been brutal guys. Like ish... But with all that being said, I have learnt soooo much about myself (this needs a blog of its own) 😏.

Friends
My circle rocks guys. It is tiny, but it is all I need. Each piece of the puzzle is unique and fits perfectly into my life. Like my people get me, know when I need my space, know when I need them and this year, I honestly could have never survived without them. They believed in me, my destiny and my abilities more than I did. And constantly had to remind me of this, without fail.

Family
Then my family guys, my people😭. This story would make you cry and leave some of you jealous, so nje for your sakes I won't share. Trust me it's for your own good😁😋.

Biggest lesson I learnt this year is patience. Gosh, “Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting” - Joyce Meyer. This here, Dammmm this is hard guys!! Things just didn't fall into place the way I expected them too this year. I had to keep waiting for stuff, confirmations, go aheads etc. Had so many uncertainties, and leaps of faith.

Ghel.... Enjoy that healthy, uncomplicated body. You are perfect, honestly you are. Those voices inside your head are lying you. Those voices don't know what they are talking about. Enjoy being a child, take your time G, you have sooo many years ahead of you for the serious stuff, you can trust me!!

Well, your 30s are like 2.0 of your 20s. Your still going to be trying to discover yourself. And you know what, that is OK. Don't let society make it seem like you should have things together by then. Many people and society are actually selling you a false dream, they are lying. Many of them are lost, broke, confused, etc just like the rest of us, but are putting on a brave face for the GRAM. I promise babe, it's for the socials and gram yazi. They are struggling in silence hey!! 🤞
Take your time, do you, no pressure!!
Most importantly guard your heart dear. Kiss and don't tell, or tell if you want, but but, guard your heart brah.

To all the ladies out there
Stay strong ladies. In that same token, I feel like as a society we really need to be having more discussions around toxic relationships, gender based violence etc. I am not taking community hall meetings, but I am talking, with our circle of friends and with families. We need to be holding our brothers accountable for their actions in the way they treat their partners (you know what I am talking about). We (women) need to be held accountable for our own  contribution to this mess, through how we socialise both our boys and girls. 
As we raise young kings, we need to socialise them in a way that they grow up to be kings who will lead and be accountable for their actions with no excuses. And for your young queens to know they should never settle for anything else than what they are worth.

On a lighter note, I know this may sound so clique, but really live like it was your last day on earth... No really live brah. Dont just survive, but live. Put the music on full blast, stokfel for that trip (with or without family and friends) you will be surprised what lies out there when you climb out of your comfort zone. Be the source of your own happiness!!! There is something soo attractive about people in their own lane, who are just doing them and doing them well.

And one last thing, happy women's month ladies💕❤️

Misfits Celebrating Women's Month: An examiner, impulsive yet reflective.

Who am I really?

An examiner, impulsive yet reflective. Levelheaded,not excessively empathic, fair-minded and striving for intellect excellence. Extraverted and judging (not human beings, but opinions). I cherish decisiveness and accomplishments. Don’t ever go out with me if You have difficulty choosing Your meal from the menu! I gather information and I act on them as soon as possible. If You found out what Mrs Myers and Mrs Briggs would have called me, leave me a message.

I am a medical student in Hamburg, Germany, and currently working on my doctoral thesis in tropical medicine at a Gabonese research centre.

Where is the last place I would ever go?

I would actually go anywhere. The better question is, would I come back a second time? To South Africa I did come back and will do again, in love since 2015.

What am I completely over and done with?

Discussing my life choices with my mom. And I’ll probably still do it until the end and that’s a good thing.

What lessons has 2020, lock down and COVID-19 pandemic taught me about…

…myself

I really cannot stay in. After getting out of quarantine I was almost jumping on strangers to hug them out of joy to see another person’s face!

…friends

The best friends stay no matter the circumstances. All the rest are just accessories, not necessities.

…family

While I am aware I grew up well protected, I wouldn’t have anticipated the level of supportiveness my family is showing me in the new challenges this year brought me. 

…life

Should be dreamt big, but not planned more than three months in advance.

If I could talk to my 16-year-old self what would I say about being in my 20s. What did I expect vs. the reality?

I firmly believe that God did not put us here to chill in our comfy zones. We are called to explore, commit to a cause, and grab for life’s opportunities. I would tell my 16-year-old self how many good men would genuinely like her despite braces, pimples and glasses. I would tell her how exciting it is to discover a new passion every couple of years. And that it was neither possible nor necessary to know what she’d be doing at that point. I would describe how much better her husband would be compared to all those school boys. I would admit that times would be rough and that she’d better take good care of her relationships to her parents and best friends. That she’d need God more than she could understand. And that she should definitely eat all the new foods she can find. Nobody sees the size of Your pants while they cover Your beautiful backside.

If I could send a global message to all South African women, what would you say to them? About the times we live in and how to survive. Either emotionally, mentally, or physically.

You were the women shaping me when my birth mother was far away and You did a great job. Only a few months and I was forever be changed. Don’t ever overlook all the achievements of the hard work You do being the mothers of Your challenged country. A mother is not only someone who bears children. A mother is any women who goes the extra mile to improve something beyond herself, to leave any place better than she found it for the people coming after her.

Misfits Celebrating Women's Month: A Daughter of the Most High King and a Mother to Two Beautiful Boys

This was for me, believe it or not, a road down ‘self-discovery’ all over again. It felt like bumping into myself after such a long time. Well... I hope you enjoy reading my story just as much as I enjoyed jotting it down!!!

Let me begin with a warm introduction of Nolwazi Valentine Nkosi. Yes, that’s me! Nolwazi… A Daughter of the Most High King and a Mother to Two Beautiful Boys first, before anything. The Word of God is my foundation in Life and I raise my kids in the same light. I am the type of person you run to in search for sunshine… I emanate joy, smiles and laughter for every single person I come across on any given day. I hope you can already gather that, I’m a huge fan of Flowers and Sunflowers being my favorite. They bring me so much joy. Finally Nolwazi is in general a very peaceful person, I respect and appreciate Peace, mines and that of others. So… now that we have broken the ice, lets get to the nitty gritty part of it. 

Where is the last place I would ever go? This one is very tricky because I want to experience going everywhere in the world. However, I cannot bear feeling cold. Russia might just be the last place I would ever go to because of their climate. They have cold winters and very short summers. They get strong winds that bring freezing cold temperatures and snowstorms, I wouldn’t survive that at all. 

What are you completely over and done with? I am completely over and done with associating myself with people and matters that are not compatible with my vision in life. Yes, I definitely am a person who focuses on the good more than the bad but also, I don’t invest in negative energy and distractions. For me growth is important, I think we should all be focusing on the betterment of ourselves, supporting and cheering one another rather than directing all of our energy towards bickering and shaming. Besides that, as I mentioned earlier I have two sons, trust me you need to preserve as much energy as possible to match theirs.   Therefore, if your thoughts and beliefs are against, I respect that, wish you well and I walk in the opposite direction.  experience has to be; to value Life more than I ever have before. Life itself is worth so much more than all the material things we want so badly in this world. Personally this experience forced me to be extra patient with myself. It’s true that; slow is the new fast. I am at a point in life where I am desperate for the stars to just align, and COVID 19 came with a lot of setbacks, but I realized fussing over slow progress will do more harm than good. I believe everything will eventually fall into place for all of us and all at the right time. When it comes to friendships, I learnt not to take time for granted. It’s been close to two years now that I haven’t spent quality time with any of my friends. I guess I have been in my own zone, I took a decision to withdraw myself from the world, if I may say, as a way to focus more on the things I want to achieve. I kept postponing that part of life and forgot that life is for us to enjoy, not perfect. And after I had left everything for a ‘later stage’, in came Lockdown and COVID 19 with the new Normal. Travelling, a night out or a picnic with friends cannot happen as comfortably as it did before. There is now so much to consider before doing everything we loved. The same goes for family, time does not wait for us. it is very important that we don’t postpone forgiveness and take for granted the importance of preserving Family Bonds. 

If I could talk to my 16 year old self about being in my 20s I would say stick to your plan my Darling!!!!! At 16, you now pretty much have an idea of what you would like your future to be like. Say No as much as possible to distractions that will tamper with this idea and just always want the best for yourself.  Many of the consequences I am dealing with today are a result of the many ‘exceptions’ I made along the way. You must find the courage to say no to the things and people that are not serving you if you want to build yourself and live your life with authenticity. My expectations of 20s were nothing close to what they are, according to my Grade 10 collage, I am now referred to as Dr. Nolwazi Valentine Nkosi not ‘Miss’, I live in my mansion house with cars all over my beautiful  yard, each car for a different mood. I am a very wealthy young lady who swipes her credit card as and when she pleases. The list goes on, but my point here is that firstly, there is nothing wrong with having big dreams but you need to accompany them with a plan of action. Which career are you going to pursue and/or study towards, is it relevant to today’s times, are you sure you have a passion for it? Do you know of anyone in this profession who can guide you? once you have planned, submit your plans to God. Secondly, things will not always go according to plan. That is not the end of the road, refer back to your drawing board, correct the mistake, learn the lesson and keep the ball rolling, keep moving towards your goals. Constantly seek for clarification from God about everything, then you are certain to move in the right direction. I am not saying that your quest should be to be perfect, but it should be securing the best you want for yourself with the understanding that you are worthy and deserving of it all.  

Its funny how I’ve always wanted an opportunity like this one, to send a global message to all young South African women, only that I imagined I would be standing in front of them as a well-established young billionaire, guiding them on how they can also get there. But I believe God is saying, this is the first part of that journey and you already have a story to tell. My message to young women is to always be confident in yourself and courageous in everything you put your mind to. Believe you deserve to be successful and want it. There is no more beautiful sight than a young woman who glows with the light of the spirit, who is brave and authentic. Having a strong belief system is important because this is where your values stem from, where you can seek clarification, plead for protection, refuel your strength and seek guidance when you go astray. I say this because the intentions of the people close to you will change every day. You cannot trust them with your life. So you must have that kind of Foundation you can rely on.  Do away with comparing yourself, stay in your lane, run your own race and at your own pace. That way you can be kind to and patient with yourself. My biggest wish is for us to strive for independence.  "If you trade your independence as a woman for safety you are at a risk of experiencing inexplicable grief, depression, anxiety, rage, blame and resentment. More to that and considering the times we live in today, where there is a rising number of young mothers, I want to also selectively share a message to them, that being a young mother is not about what you gave up to have a child or about all the sacrifices you have to make, it should be about what you have gained. You have brought a precious human being into the world, that alone is a superpower, you now need to show up and own up for him. I personally gained genuine and lasting happiness coupled with purpose. I am hungry to succeed and build a legacy now more than ever. The gift of being trusted to love and nurture another human being is another kind of special. In the same token, my advice to all young women, from my experience as a young mother is; plan the decision of having a child thoroughly beforehand. You must be ready emotionally and most importantly, financially. 

With that being said, to aim for success is, I reiterate, very important but make sure not to miss the point of this whole process, that is to make out the most of this life you’ve been Graciously gifted with. Smile often, laugh a lot, dance, travel, bake, cook, swim, sing, be healthy and just enjoy being alive.